Fucking Dating, RIGHT?!

I HATE DATING. 

Absolutely hate it.

In fact, here is a brief list of things I would rather be doing other than dating:

•  Eating a burrito
•  Looking at a burrito
•  Feeding my cats
• Paying ridiculous amounts for gasoline
• Making my own burrito
• Drinking lots of alcohol
• Being super hung over from said alcohol
• (Yeah, I'll take a hang over over the shittiness of dating)
• Thinking about burritos.
• Cleaning the litter box
• Nothing
• EVERYTHING

Dating is awkward, uncomfortable, and from my experience thus far, TOTALLY POINTLESS.

I've been in three major relationships in my life, with minor ones sprinkled in between.  

Here's a brief rundown of the majors: 

High School:  We all had one.  The high school sweetheart.  Honestly, that's reason enough why it ended.  Though we were together on and off for a long time, we were very young.  End of story.  Let's call him "Puppy Love."

College: College boyfriend and I were together the longest of the three, but essentially this ended because he was more interested in revisiting his pothead years (of which he is still) than maintaining a relationship.  Fair enough, I mean, we were still young (he younger than I).  We'll call him "Mary Jane."  Though there were definitely other factors in our demise, there's the Cliff Notes version. 

Recent:  Recent boyfriend I have affectionately named "Narcissus."  Why?  Because he is an emotionally unavailable narcissist.  It's pretty much impossible to have a meaningful relationship with someone who is incapable of getting over the fact that there are other people in this world, so ladies, I do NOT recommend trying.

Now let's see if we can find a pattern here...

PL: 5"11". Blonde. Thin.  Drummer.

MJ: 6'2". Blonde. Thin. Guitar player.

Narcissus:  6'2". Blonde. Thin. Drummer.

If you're wondering if the connection is football players, you're right!

JK.

It appears I am attracted to musicians.  Almost exclusively.  Not on purpose, because trust me, the days of my being a band girlfriend who sells merch and swoons at her fancy boyfriend on stage are SUPER over.  At least I'M over it.  I just happen to keep falling for these damn guys.

The blonde thing I think is just a coincidence.  Or maybe it's not.  I mean I do think Eric Northman on True Blood is SUPER sexy.  I'm also basically in love with Ryan Gosling.  OK OK SO MAYBE I LIKE BLONDES SUE ME (but mostly, don't..).  

THE POINT IS

This has gotten me nowhere.  Because here I am, 27 years old, living (the dream!) alone, with 2 cats.

And why?!  I'm fairly attractive.  Super fun.  Smart.  Pretty hilarious if you ask me...so how hard can it be right?!?!?

FUCKING HARD.  Is the answer.

I am a relationship girl.  A "serial monogamist" if you will.  Always have been, probably always will be.  I thrive in relationships.  I like commitment.  I like monogamy.  Sadly, this is harder and harder to find in today's world of poorly founded relationships and meaningless sexual encounters.  And to be fair, I'm pretty shitty at picking boyfriends, apparently.

So what Morgan??? This blog is really boring.

WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS IS, that in between the seven billion times Narcissus and I tried to work things out, I partook in internet dating.  

And then I stopped internet dating.  And have been holed up in my apartment of cats for months now.  Ok, not as much "holed up" as "drinking at bars a lot," but whatever.

In my next entry, you will read of my adventures in said internet dating.

And despite my epic failures in both dating and internet dating, I am actually considering giving it another shot.  

So, God.

If you're out there:

HOW ABOUT THROWING ME A FUCKING BONE ALREADY WITH THIS SHIT?!?!

Thanks in advance,

Morgan