The Stupidest Commercial I Have Seen In A Long Time

First, take a minute and watch this.  I'm sure many of you have already seen it.

STUPID.

Now let's reflect on the many layers of stupid.

Picture this:

You just had a great night out.  You're with your spouse/significant other/family, possibly partying like rock stars (or like loris...es?  Lori?  What's the plural of a loris?) and enjoying the evening.  You come home, ready to go to bed/get freaky/watch America's Next Top Model/whatever.  You open the door...

...And all your shit is gone.

Now I don't know about you, but the furthest thing from the reaction that I would have is what this guy does.

"Ah...we got robbed." 

That's it. 

Not, "WE GOT ROBBED?!?!?!?!?!?" or "Oh my god, we've been robbed, call the police!"  No.  He says, "we got robbed" much the way I decline to super size things via drive through.  A little bummed and conflicted.

I freak out when I don't know where the mate to my sock is.  If I walked into my apartment and I had been robbed, it's very possible I would just implode or explode right on the spot.  And then whoever I was with would have to deal with all the mess and finding homes for my cats and telling my family and loved ones, etc.

Moving on.

Mr. and Mrs. Stupid walk through their home and point out everything that has been taken.  They (robbers) took the flat screen, and the sound system, blah blah blah.  Again, the tone to me sounds more like and indifferent conversation about where to go for dinner that night: "I don't know, I mean I could go for Chinese, but then I could also go for Mexican...."

And now the plot thickens. 

The robbers did not steal their shitty desktop computer.

AND THESE PEOPLE ARE BUMMED ABOUT IT!

Still failing to properly focus on what has been stolen, they jump to the obvious and rational next step in dealing with the robbery. 

"Maybe it's time for a new one."  -Mrs. Stupid regarding their computer

IT'S NOT TIME FOR A NEW ONE YOU JUST GOT ROBBED!  IT IS NOT TIME FOR ANYTHING NEW OTHER THAN THE SHIT THAT JUST GOT STOLEN FROM YOU!

I realize this is a commercial for Windows 7/Staples, but COME ON!

I can think of like, 10 other things I would do before replacing my desktop computer that I probably never used in the first place.

For example:

Call my insurance company? 

File a police report???

Cry like a girl because they took all my Sex and the City DVD's????

Nope.  The Stupids head over to their local Staples to replace THE ONE THING THAT DIDN'T GET STOLEN. 

I spent the last 10 minutes thinking about how I would have designed the commerical to make more rational sense. 

Like, maybe if I hired Natalie Portman and Colin Firth to play the couple, and instead of "Ahh...we were robbed..,"  Natalie could fall to the ground crying in a dramatic fit, "NOT THE TV!!!  GOD NOT THE TV!!  THAT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S TV OMG MY LIFE IS OVER!!!!"

And then Colin could swoop down from his stallion and pick her up and say, "We have to be strong, dammit!  We are going to make it through this...TOGETHER!" And then they would deal with the consequences of being robbed.

...but here's the problem:

There is absolutely no way I could justify them needing a new computer right then and there.  There's no way.  There are 2 solutions to this:

1.  It cannot be a commercial for Windows 7/Staples.  Because it just doesn't work.  It does not make sense for them to go out and spend money on something that wasn't stolen within the span of the commercial.

2.  It needs to be a commercial for the TV that the robbers actually did steal.  But honestly, even then it's still stupid.  Because people being robbed does not make for a good commerical-period.  UNLESS it's for a security system.

It's the only way.

Which brings us to the best part of the commercial:

After the Staples employee gives them all the information about their new computer and explains how everything works, Mr. Stupid looks at Mrs. Stupid, prized laptop in hand, and says (also, this is the most emotion he has shown throughout the entire commercial), "now this is something they would steal!" 

Ok, FIRST of all, really???  You just got robbed, and your primary goal was to get something ELSE that the robbers that stole from you would steal, what, the second time around??  I would be embarrassed first for even having the thought, then for saying it out loud, and then because other people heard me say it.

I feel like my mind just exploded.

Mrs. Stupid looks at him in idiotic agreement and giggles...and the commercial ends.

Oh and maybe now they get back to real life where they wake up to the unforgiving fact that their home was robbed.  And now they need to call the police.  And their insurance company.  And replace their stolen items.  And maybe invest in a security system. 

Although after watching them in the commercial they have to be the easiest fictional couple to steal from in the world.

I feel like if I went to their home after this happened and broke in, and he woke up in the middle of the night and spooked me so I bailed on the job, he would run after me with the laptop in hand and yell, "Wait!!!  It has all our baby pictures and tax information!!!!!  It will be very useful!!!  I DID THIS FOR YOU!!!!"

I want to go rob them just because they're idiots.  I just might have to travel through Narnia to find this fictional couple.  But that's a risk I'm willing to take. 

My Descent into Cat-Lady-Ism

I've always been an animal person.  Growing up, I had cats, dogs, iguanas, turtles, tortoises, hamsters, rats, lizards, you name it.  And never just one at a time, we're talking a minimum of 5 animals at all times (in different combinations of species as they died, of course).  So I am used to having a lot of animals around.  I think the most we had at one time was 3 cats, a dog, 5 desert tortoises, some giant koi, a water turtle and a few frogs in our atrium.

And then I moved out, taking the newest kitten with me.  You all know her as Large Cat.

Meet Bella:

I chose the above picture because it's very flattering.  And she looks thin.  Here she is in all her fat glory.



Here is Bella the Hut.  She's about 4 now.  And no, I didn't name her after that damn Twilight series.  She's also in love with my boyfriend.  And the feeling is mutual.

Then one day last fall I fell in love with this little monster.

This is Zoey:

(Also known as Special Cat.)

()

After a brief mental battle where I deliberated if I could handle 2 cats on my own, I took her home.  And though she wasn't pumped at first, now Bella has a friend.

Special Cat--><--Large Cat

And now Zoey is all grown up.

Which brings us up to date.  Because now there is another kitten.  That I desperately want...but as I said in a previous post, I know this pushes the boundaries of crazy cat lady.  So I am torn.  And I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  Because look at this face!

Boyfriend is on board although he is trying to be tough because I am sure he doesn't want to be swimming in cats for the next 20 years.

And I already have a name for him.  He's not mine yet, but the battle within me is raging.  So we'll see who wins.  Will it be the Cat Lady in me?  Or the part of me that doesn't want to die alone and have my cats eat me before anyone can find me?

Noooo oooone knoooows.....