I wish I could say I was back to write some clever thing about being some sort of awesome ninja again, but alas, 'tis not the case.
This month has been an interesting one for me. One that has led me to the conclusion:
Hey boys, WHAT THE FUCK!?
I am going to give you a play by play, dates included and everything, of an event that transpired.
This story actually begins in elementary school. I met a girl who I ended up being good friends with, probably until about junior high when we ended up going to different schools.
This friend has an older brother.
I haven't seen, or talked to either of them since I was probably 12 years old....and that's being pretty generous. Let's call him Joe.
FEBRUARY 7th
- Joe finds me on Facebook
- After "liking" an alarming number of my pictures, Joe sends me the following message:
Wow you're gorgeous!
Now, my thoughts at this point were, OK, this guy hasn't seen me in a long time, and he's just commenting on the fact that he thinks I grew up to be an attractive woman.
Based on these thoughts, I came up with the following response:
Aw thanks :) you're sweet.
In my mind, that meant, "thanks for the compliment, that was nice of you." Apparently to him, it meant, "here is the green light to be super fucking creepy and even a little rapey maybe."
He immediately responded with:
You're the sweetest
It was here that I knew I had fucked up by responding in the first place, and here where I literally stopped talking to him.
...Buuuut that didn't matter, because he proceeded to continue the conversation (again, I did not actually respond to him, but my thoughts about what was going on are in purple):
We should go to lunch (not a chance in hell)
......
:) (what the fuck are you smiling about??)
......
You must be busy at work ;) (mostly though I'm busy ignoring your creepy ass)
......
FEBRUARY 13TH
How have you been lately beautiful (wtf???)
......
FEBRUARY 16TH
Hmmm (getting the hint yet?)
......
How's your family doing? (oh ok, clearly fucking not)
......
After LITERALLY zero response from me, any normal guy would have probably left me alone.
Not this guy.
Mother fucker decides to write on my Facebook WALL.
How's your family doing?
At this point, I'm thinking, "DUDE, take the hint. I don't want to talk to you." But, being way too nice, I responded:
Great thanks!
I again, realized my mistake when he immediately responded with:
What are your parents and brother up to?
Listen fuck stick. I'm obviously not interested in catching up with you. LEAVE ME ALONE.
....Is what I was thinking and probably should have said. But I honestly thought if I just never responded to him he would eventually go away.
That worked fine until he decided to start a game of Words With Friends with me via Facebook.
FEBRUARY 21
- Words With Friends game is started by a mystery user.
- Eventually a name shows, and I realize it's him.
- I figure, "as long as he doesn't chat with me, it's fine (I play like 15 WWF games at a time)."
Which brings us to today:
FEBRUARY 22
On my way to get coffee this morning, my phone alerted me that it was my turn to make a move on Words With Friends.
I looked at my 15 games, and I was not surprised to see an all too predictable chat alert from Joe's username.
I opened the chat,
...and pretty much shit my pants.
Here is what it said:
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...
...
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"I wish I could make love to you"
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...
...
...
...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!??!
I have no idea how I didn't get into a car accident as soon as I saw that.
The fucking nerve of this guy! Which part of the NOT welcoming ANY of your advances led you to believe it would be OK to say that to me??? AND IN WORDS WITH FRIENDS CHAT?!?!?
The fucking nerve of this guy! Which part of the NOT welcoming ANY of your advances led you to believe it would be OK to say that to me??? AND IN WORDS WITH FRIENDS CHAT?!?!?
Honestly, even if I my own BOYFRIEND said that, I'd be like, "OK, I like you too and stuff, but that was a liiiiittle rapey, so maybe tone it down a bit."
As I type this, my mind is still reeling cause I CANNOT fucking believe this really happened.
After thinking all day about how crazy this is, here is a list of things that I have to assume he thought I might respond with in order to actually follow through with sending me that message:
- Holy shit, I was just wishing the SAME THING I'm SO GLAD you said something first!
- Where can I meet you so you can make said love to me?
- I don't know about that, but let's be great friends now!
- I'm just sitting here at home with my legs open if you want to come over?
- Turn around, I'm already here!
- Maybe if you beat me on WWF, let's keep playing!
- I would love to do sex with you!
I could go on, but you get the point.
I immediately resigned the game.
Wouldn't you know, dipshit starts a NEW game with me.
...Which I promptly declined.
TELL ME THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS MORGAN I bet is what you are thinking right about now.
Well friends and internet people, it doesn't end there.
He went BACK onto my Facebook and send me another message:
What happened to our words game???
If you're at all surprise or taken aback by this after getting this far, just know it was exponentially more shocking for me to read.
This is where I finally took action, realizing that this asshole was clearly not going to stop unless I said something.
Here's what I sent:
Based on your completely inappropriate behavior, I'm not even comfortable playing Words With Friends with you. I wish you well, but you really need to leave me alone now.
And I promptly deleted him from my Facebook.
BUT HE STILL WROTE ME BACK.
Although you, like me, are probably expecting that he said something like. "you're a bitch I hate you" or preferably, "I'm so sorry that was inappropriate and kind of rapey," he said only:
Awww :(
.....
The moral of today's story:
Guys, if a girl isn't responding to you, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.
