This. Is Beerfest.
Last September my friends and I began what will undoubtedly be a continued tradition.
Every fall, Colorado hosts the Great American Beerfest. We all got the idea to make it an event in January of 2010 when we went to visit my friend Susan for the first time. She told us we had to come out for Beerfest that fall, and since we all had so much fun getting drunk that weekend, we obliged.
Along the way, we picked up a few more friends who were along for the ride. It was me, Susan, Laurel, Laurel's boyfriend Scott, and our other friends from high school Peter and Chris.
The journey began on a Thursday.
We flew out and Susan met us at the airport late that night. We went home only to fall asleep that night.
This trip was different.
This trip was innately devoted to alcohol, so when we woke up, no one felt guilty that we decided to start our day by hitting our first brewery...at 11 AM.
Beerfest wasn't until Saturday and we wanted to get a head start on the debauchery.
Again, being the lightweight that I am, I was drunk almost immediately. We toured craft breweries for the better part of the day, drinking and doing stupid things like climbing hay mountains that we found on the side of the road.
There is one important piece of the story I should add before I continue.
Before I left for my trip, my boyfriend and I were hanging out.
We had about 3 hours to kill before he had to take me to the airport. "We should rent a romantic movie," he said. "Like The Human Centipede."
"The Human Centipede?" I asked. "What's that?" (<---big mistake)
"....You don't...know...what The Human Centipede is??" He excitedly asked. When I confirmed I did not, he briefly explained the plot.
If you still don't know what it is, here is a summary.
I immediately grabbed my computer and googled the trailer. How did I not know about this???
I became obsessed with everything about the movie, except actually watching it. I was still trying to decide if I could handle watching a crazy scientist stitch 3 humans together, ass to mouth so they shared a digestive tract.
Of course I brought it up immediately to my friends.
I couldn't believe my luck, because none of them had seen or heard about it either. So I got to explain it to them.
And then we were all obsessed. The amount we talked about just the idea of this movie was insane. I am not exaggerating when I say we spent hours talking about it.
The evening turned into a continual rant of logistics.
"So, what if we sewed A to C???"
"What happens if one of them throws up? Where does it go???"
"Couldn't they develop some kind of system when they use their tongues to let the others know they're about to take a crap???"
It was a long night.
Then Beerfest day arrived.
But the Human Centipede conversation held strong.
(I eventually watched the movie, but we had discussed it so much and gone over every little detail that I pretty much knew everything about it and was bored to tears. I ended up fast forwarding through most of it).
We headed down to the convention center.
...An entire convention center dedicated to beer and drunk people. There were so many people. And so many beer stations.
They handed us this tiny little cup and explained that we get as many 1 ounce pours as we could drink.
"One ounce???" We all thought. "We only have 4 hours, how can we possible get drunk off of one ounce pours in 4 hours???"