Sunday, May 22, 2011

Rapture Brain Around THIS.

...Well, this is a bit awkward.

I'm sure you are all aware, but in case you aren't (because you have been struck by a fireball/tsunami/etc.), yesterday, May 21st, the world ended.  And the rapture happened. 

It was really quite the let down, cause apparently God is way more selective than any of us could have imagined.  Where the hell (<-lol, right?) is everyone?  I thought this was going to be a party.

I'm up here in heaven...

...completely alone. 

I did not see this coming, I have to be honest.  I mean I know my obsessive love for cats made me a good person and all, but the only person?  Alright, I guess.  At least up here I get free WiFi.  (And really good reception.)  Everyone up here uses PC's, which is a complete shock to me I have to tell you.  Heaven is very anti-Apple.  It's all the rage (<-omg pshhh) in hell though, or so I hear.

If someone could please take care of my cats, that would be great.  I know I didn't invest in End of the World Insurance so that aetheists would take care of them, but since you're all obviously still there it would be really great if you could just handle that for me. 

Special Cat is a handful cause she's kind of a retard, but Large Cat is pretty easy to manage.

The good news is, I finally have a loris!  Yeah, it's pretty awesome.  And the toxic bite ain't no thang since I'm already dead.  Mr. Loris has a different colored tiny umbrella each day, and he just hangs out on my shoulder like parrot.

The G-Man is pretty cool with letting us do whatever we want.  He says we're not allowed to listen to Rebecca Black though, because it's so bad it even offended Him.

Oh and the food here?  Uh-Mazing.

Annnyway, really didn't think I'd be up here without all of you, but what are you gonna do, I guess?

Ohhh wait nevermind.  Nothing happened.


  1. I brought the rapture way back!

  2. I thought Andrew Ryan was responsible for the Rapture