Friday, September 14, 2012

Cats Rule, Dogs Drool...A Lot.


Hi again!  I lag, I know.  I haven't given up on this I've just been super busy with things like work and dying alone.

I'll start by saying that I love animals.  For those of you who don't know, I have two cats and live alone.  Throughout my life, I have had pretty much every kind of animal you can think of, including the 8 desert tortoises that live in my parents' backyard.  I've had both cats and dogs - at the same time - my entire life, and here's the deal:  I'm sick and tired of cats getting such a bad rap.  

Why does being a "cat lady" have such a negative connotation behind it while being a "dog lover" is completely socially acceptable?  I know PLENTY of people who are way more obsessed with their dogs than I have ever been with any animal.  I am also proud to say that I have never toted a cat around in a designer bag.

In any event, I don't think there should be any more negative stigma attached to liking cats than there is to liking dogs.

Cats are awesome.

This is bullshit.  

Here's why:


DOGS ARE NEEDY AS FUCK.

Dogs are like permanent children.  I'm pretty sure if children never grew up, the population would be in danger of extinction, because very few people would want to take care of a child for the rest of their lives.  I'm not sure I even want kids, so I definitely don't want to commit to 7-12 years of taking care of a toddler.  

In fact the last time I checked, most 20-something guys are not all that pumped on having kids right away either; Guys don't want a needy girlfriend, so why do they want a needy pet? 


Single girls that own cats are like an automatic joke to guys.  Well, to a lot of people actually.  But why such a negative stereotype?  You don't hear people cringe when a woman says she has 2 dogs.  And why not?  If she does, you can automatically assume:
  • She can't stay out late (she has to get back to her dogs)
  • She's probably never going to sleep over at your place (she has to get back to her dogs)
  • She won't be able to take a spontaneous vacation with you (she has to take care of her dogs)
On the flip side, if a girl has 2 cats you can similarly assume:
  • She can stay out late
  • She can stay at your house
  • She can take spontaneous trips with you
  • She's probably independent

Unfortunately, this is not the case and people tend to just assume:

  • CRAZY


Cats are independent.  So am I.  It's fantastic.  They do their thing, I do mine.  When we feel like cuddling, we cuddle.  When we don't, we don't.  Wow, that does sound like a terrible, terrible relationship, doesn't it?

I won't even go into the whole intelligence thing because I'm sure there are both intelligent cats and dogs.  But the point is I need and want a pet that can kind of take care of itself.  I don't want my life to revolve around my pet, I want my pet to enhance it.  Which is exactly what my cats do.


DOGS ARE ALL UP IN YOUR SHIT - ALL THE TIME.

Picture this:  You come home from a long day at work.  Maybe all you need is to walk in the door and open a bottle of wine and watch a little Battlestar Galactica...or something.  Which of the following greetings would you prefer?

Dogs: HI! HI! HI! HOW ARE YOU?! OMG YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING I DID TODAY I LAYED ON THE COUCH AND I CHEWED ON YOUR SHOE AND I RAN ALL AROUND THE APARTMENT LIKE 20 TIMES IT WAS LIKE A WAS ON FIRE AND NO ONE WAS HERE BUT I WAS SINGING SONGS THE WHOLE TIME SO IT WAS COOL HOW WAS YOUR DAY DID YOU DO ANYTHING FUN DID YOU BRING ME TREATS I LOVE TREATS CAN WE GO FOR A WALK HI!

Cats:  Sup.


Calm the fuck down, dogs.



DOGS WILL FUCK UP YOUR VACATIONS 

Dogs:  You wanna leave town for the weekend?  Sorry.  Where is your dog going to stay?  Who is going to feed it?  Who is going to walk it because God forbid it entertain itself?  Who is going to let it out to go to the bathroom?  Who is going to read it bedtime stories in that funny voice you always do?  How much money are you going to pay how many people to watch your fucking dog for you?  Where did you go to college?  What is your ATM pin?  How many sexual partners have you had?  What is your favorite shade of blue?

Cats:  You wanna leave town for the weekend?  Go for it!  Just leave your cats a little extra food and water and clean their litter box before you go.

NEXT.

DOGS FUCKING STINK

I'm sorry, but I don't care how often you bathe your dog or how hypoallerigenically bred your dog is; your dog fucking stinks.

AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.  

Because dogs just stink.  If you can't smell it, you're either in denial or very lucky.  Cats are smart enough to clean themselves and do not stink.  What's even more awesome is that they are born knowing how to use the litter box!  No training.  Just, here's a box, do your thing.

Now I'm not saying I'll never own a dog.  Despite what I have said here, I actually do love dogs and I probably will. 

...When I'm married, and actually have a house with a yard that is suitable for taking care of a dog, not a tiny fucking apartment that you keep your dog locked up in all the time.  Or, when I actually have time to give the dog the attention it demands.  But I'm not there yet.  I live alone, still want pets around, and don't think it's that crazy of me to make the decision to have cats instead of dogs at this point in my life.

So you know what?  Fine.  I'm a cat lady.  I'll own the title.  But in no way do I own up to the negative stigma attached to it.  So while you all have to get home to let your dogs out,  I'll still be drinking at the bar.



5 comments:

  1. 1) Practically everyone in the history of ever is allergic to cats... so while you may have someone over to snuggle with you... he'll be dripping snot and asking to borrow your inhaler.
    2) I've received texts saying "Hey, can you check on my cats while I'm in Vegas this weekend" and guess who does it? THIS GIRL WHO IS ALLERGIC TO CATS.
    3) I take my dog on vacation... AND IT IS AWESOME. Apple has been to Seattle, Palm Springs, and Chicago. Can't take her on international trips, but hey, you can't leave your cat alone for 2 weeks either.
    4)Dogs are up in your shit for the first 6 minutes you're there... and then YOU'RE ALL UP IN THEIR SHIT BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU ANYMORE AND THEY ARE SO CUTE. See Exhibit "APPLE."
    5)Cats are cool. Except for when they get up in my grill because they know I'm allergic to them (See Exhibit "NEEDY" - I don't know the real name of this cat of yours, but it's not "FATTY") or when the previous owner of the house you buy doesn't tell you they had cats and then you realize there is CAT SPRAY EVERYWHERE AND IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH SO YOU HAVE TO TAKE ALL THE CARPET OUT AND BLEACH THE CONCRETE. Yah. Oh and Cat Scratch... AS A DISEASE.
    6)http://youtu.be/P5Xy5V6S-IA

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1) I've never had problems with it so far. :p
    2) True, but if you said you couldn't they would be ok. I'm just being a nice cat mom!
    3) APPLE IS EXEMPT FROM ALL OF THIS BECAUSE I LOVE HER (and she is like a cat).
    4) See #3.
    5) People need to learn to take care of their pets so it doesn't stink, but that goes with both animals. (My cats have never peed on the carpet.) But dogs still just smell...not their pee or poo, just THEM. It's not a problem for most people I'm just sensitive and can always smell them (even Apple smells like dog, but again see #3).
    6) See #3.

    ReplyDelete
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