Friday, January 13, 2012
I Hate Corn Dogs
Well, this is really a special moment for anyone who follows my blog.
Why, you ask?
Any of you who have read back to my earlier entries or (hopefully) have followed me from the beginning, watched me fall in love with Disneyland corn dogs for the very first time.
Here is that entry, in case any of you want to catch up.
And it's like some asshole once said, "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
"IS IT?!!" I would now challenge. "IS IT REALLY?!!"
I say this because I have just very, very quickly, fallen out of love with corn dogs.
It was a clear night. My plans were to enjoy a nice evening at Disneyland with my friend Elena.
We arrived around 5 and stayed until it closed at 8.
Getting a corn dog has now become part of my Disneyland routine, so of course, before we left for the evening, I insisted on getting one.
It tasted just as delicious as I had always remembered: deliciously crunchy on the outside, moist and inviting on the inside, all tied together with a beautiful little ribbon of ketchup I placed neatly and carefully upon each bite....
My craving having been temporarily satisfied for the night, we left Disneyland.
When I got home, I decided to call it an early evening. I sat on the couch and popped in the first season of Arrested Development, which I am watching for the first time. As I watched TV, I thought to myself, "what a lovely evening you've had."
All was right with the world.
Something was happening to me.
I quickly ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to vomit up my not-so-delicious-tasting-now corn dog.
"WHYYYYYY GOD?! WHY!!!!!?" I shouted to my cruel lord.
I sank down on the bathroom floor, defeated. And disgusted.
I thought it was over.
...I was wrong.
I spent the next 6 hours dragging myself into and out of the bathroom, coming in and out of consciousness on my bathroom floor, and vomiting up what seemed to be like 34 corn dogs rather than that single one I had actually eaten.
After a long night of physical misery, I attempted to sleep.
BUT IN VAIN. ...For it was already too late. A sleepless night was inevitable.
And so, corn dogs, I bid you adieu.
NO MORE, will you linger in my thoughts when I pass through the gates at Disneyland.
NO MORE, will I crave what I once considered to be a delicious treat.
And NO MORE, will I have nightmares like this one.
ALSO, FUCK YOU FOR RUINING EVERYTHING.